elebrity stalkers command more media attention, but millions of Americans are the victims of stalkers each year. Three out of every four stalkers are men, and most are partners or former partners of the person they end up harassing. According to the National Center for the Victims of Crime, more than 1 million women and 370,000 men are stalking victims each year.

It can be hard to determine the point at which an overzealous lover or friend crosses the line and becomes a stalker. Most of them are very charming initially, but then the stalking begins in response to a divorce or breakup. A key determining factor is motive — stalkers usually aim to induce fear in their victims. Their actions can range from repeated unwelcome phone calls or gifts and escalate to following the victim everywhere, monitoring his or her e-mails and phone calls and, eventually, verbal threats or a physical assault.

Stalkers typically fall into five distinct categories:

1. The rejected stalker was rejected in a relationship, feels wounded and insulted, and now seeks vindication or revenge.
   
2. The resentful stalker is a self-righteous, self-pitying person who may threaten but is unlikely to take action.
   
3. The intimacy-seeking stalker believes he is loved or will be loved by the victim. These stalkers often focus on celebrities or people of higher social status. They are typically mentally ill and/or delusional.
   
4. The incompetent stalker is a socially backward individual who usually means no harm but does not understand the social rules of dating and romance.
   
5. The predatory stalker may or may not know his victim beforehand. This individual seeks sexual gratification, control and, often, violence. These individuals may go to great lengths to plan and rehearse their attack.

Rejected and predatory stalkers are the most likely to assault their victims, according to experts. Be concerned if someone begins calling, e-mailing or texting you repeatedly (a dozen times a day or more) immediately after you become acquainted. Another red flag is if this person becomes clingy, controlling or upset if you want to spend time with friends or family. Excessive, unfounded jealousy is often prevalent in people who become stalkers, and one of their classic strategies is to isolate the victim from his or her normal social circle.

What You Can Do

If someone has begun stalking you, let people know. Your friends, family and coworkers need to be aware of the situation, so they can help keep you (and themselves) informed and protected.

Next, gently but firmly tell the stalker that you do not want to be in the relationship. Don't allow yourself to be drawn into a lengthy discussion; just say "This situation isn't right for me" or something similar.

If this does not work, go on the offensive. File a police report. Change your e-mail address or password, as well as the locks on your home. If the stalking is persistent, you may need to get a new phone number and a new ATM password, as well as take other steps to protect your home and workplace. If you have been physically threatened (or you feel threatened) in any way, file a restraining order immediately, and make sure everyone in your social circle knows about it.

aving everything your own way may sound great, but in the everyday world, people must learn to compromise in order to succeed at work and at home. To create win-win situations for everyone...(continued)

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